Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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