During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
