So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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