I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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