naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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