I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?