i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.