we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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