mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.