I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza