I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?