i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The uberlube is also flammable
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.