It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.