I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We are two peas in an std pod
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
