Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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