So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
