I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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