2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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