Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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