I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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