She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize