I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
