Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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