I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
