his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
