I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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