I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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