i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
