Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
