I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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