Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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