she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
