Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
