I smell stomach acid.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
