Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
