Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
