There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
