Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
