About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
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This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
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I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Those nachos came to me in a dream
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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