yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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