you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize