so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
