Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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