shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
