My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
