i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Boobs speak an international language.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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