what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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