He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just high enough for therapy.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
