And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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