All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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