I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
