i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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