no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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