Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
