We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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