Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
