Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
