my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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