Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
as a side note pls kill me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
