Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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