thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
