you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
