Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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