dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
