Screwed.edu
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
