I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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