Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
