he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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