you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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