Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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