you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I looked at my own cervix.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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