Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
