I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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