He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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