I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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