well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
