Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
