I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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