What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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