I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
