so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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