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Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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