If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
