i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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